Axel Raven Johnson: A Birth Story
by Adrienne (and Robert) Johnson

This is our tale of love, learning, and life that brought our son into the world. We chose to welcome our baby at home.

My labor started around 10PM Friday night with a cranky-making back ache. I just took myself to bed. By midnight, the contractions were close enough together to call Melissa. She suggested getting rest and calling if anything changed. Around 2AM I fell asleep and woke up Saturday morning, contraction-free. Drat. I had so wanted to be in labor for real. By noon, however, they were back. We called Melissa back and she suggested walking. Off we marched to the grocery store. It turns out that having contractions in a grocery store is less pleasant than it sounds, so we took our few groceries and headed home. Melissa came to check on me and found my cervix, after rather a hunt behind Baby's head, 3cm dilated. Excellent! She went ahead and stripped the membranes (not as pleasant as it sounds) to pep things up a bit.

We had our friends over for dinner as planned, but I was getting pretty uncomfortable and didn't protest at all when they made an early exit. Shortly after they left, I hit the bathroom and passed my mucous plug. For weeks I had been eagerly awaiting my mucous plug, but for whatever reason, the sight of it unhinged me. I called Melissa about an hour before dark, having holed up in the dark den with a heat pack. She was very excited and supportive, as usual, and asked me to tell her when we needed more support from our midwifery team. I was scared and not being especially pleasant to my loving husband, so Robert and I decided that we were ready for support. Melanya came to hang for the night. Her calm presence was very reassuring to me and I was glad that Robert was able to get some rest, off and on, knowing that I was being taken care of if he was asleep.

Sleep is a pretty relative description as Adrienne was having a fitful eventing that pretty much went on all night making it tough for any of us to really get much rest.  It was an entire night of wretching guts, occasional sips of an athletic electrolyte drink and multiple contractions.  Melanya whose 7 dwarves name is now “Doc” spend the entire night tag teaming with me to see to it that Adrienne always had a calm hand and soothing voice to help her through the contractions and vomiting.  We carted multiple containers of liquid to get dumped into the toilet, it was getting pretty obvious after the she upchucked my really good Italian dinner that her body was going to go into the birth mode running on empty which does happen with some women.

About 10:00 that night, my 16 year old step-son, Noah, returned from his year abroad in France. We had been saying that the baby would wait for big brother and it seemed to be true. I felt bad that I wasn't in better shape to greet Noah, but I grunted a greeting from the couch and returned to labor land. Noah and Robert headed downstairs to catch up for a while and Melanya stayed with me. She listened to baby every 30 minutes, took vitals, timed contractions, held the barf bowl, etc. The birth hormones were alternately making me puke and shake. I was able to remain lying down through the contractions though and get some small rest in between. Robert came and laid with me on the futon. I could cuddle with him between contractions, which felt very nice. Despite that, I was darned glad to see the sun come up and I knew I didn't want to go through another night of labor.

I was still fighting labor, as opposed to embracing it. I'd read Spiritual Midwifery from cover to cover and knew that more than half the battle was attitude. Nonetheless, my attitude stunk.

Melanya headed for the back room to get some much earned sleep when Steph arrived to take over Sunday morning. Steph's seven dwarves name is henceforth “Sleepy” since her suggestion that the best thing that could happen now in the pregnancy would be for Adrienne to get some sleep to have her better rested for things to come. No one was quite certain when that would be happening.  I had a sense that the baby would be born Sunday evening before dark, but that opinion was not widely shared due to where Adrienne was in the dilation department, but it was still my gut instinct that this was the time schedule, reality and body signs be damned!  Robert was able to get some sleep as well. Steph helped me get more comfortable during contractions and found a great way to rub my back. It felt good to have other touch on my skin. I was quite low on calories, feeling dry mouthed, and dejected. I told Steph I didn't want to do this anymore. She said that no matter what happened, I had to do this. Even if we went to the hospital for drugs (something I'd thought about, but hadn't voiced), I would still have to do it. I ruminated on that for a while. She also told me to keep my energy focused downward and to stop puking. It pretty much worked. Even so, when Steph checked my cervix again, I was horrified to hear that in more than 12 hours, I'd only gone from 3cm to 4cm dilated. She suggested we get some herbs to slow me down so I could get some rest. A hot shower and a nap in my bed (as opposed to the futon in the living room) felt quite good, even though I woke up a bit for each contraction.

When I got up I asked Steph the plan. She said Melissa was on her way and we were going walking. I highly doubted that they could get me to do any such thing, and went back to contracting and resting on the futon next to Robert, who was getting quite good at the mid contraction back rub. Noah poked his head in occasionally, but I could tell he felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable as well and tried to stay covered up when he was around. I didn't feel uncomfortable being unclothed in general, but I was concerned about Noah's reaction. 

I know Noah well enough to be sure that he would rise to the task when things got to serious birthing time.  I had requested of him on his arrival the evening before that he be here at the house and not head off to his Mom's house, that we needed him as moral support and that the magic of welcoming his new sibling into the world would be an experience that he would never forget and would treasure always. Plus I knew that because of the age difference between the soon to be connected new siblings that this would be a way to cement their relationship forever.  Plus how many sixteen year olds get to see something so magical happen right in their own home.  I figured that the issues of nudity, babies popping out of vaginas, etc. would pale in comparison to the incredible privilege that attending a birth provides.

Melissa arrived and, to my shock, did not order me off the bed at once. We talked and she applied counter pressure during contractions, all the while sending Robert to the bedroom for walking attire (Ha! The preggy pants with the loose elastic that wouldn't stay up and drove me crazy for four months  were the perfect thing for labor!). Dressed and ready, Robert, Noah, Melissa, the two little dogs, and I headed for Buckman School. Looking back, the walk was the event that showed Noah and me that being uncomfortable with each other wasn't important. I was a very slow walker and we paused once or twice a block for contractions, in which I would hang my arms around Robert or Noah while Melissa applied back pressure. It was nice to be out, remembering that there was a world outside of labor. Once we got to the school, I could do contractions on all fours on the grass. 

I have to laugh when I think what the neighbors around Buckman think when they see so many mommas on the birth walk with their midwives and other supporters in tow.  Here is Adrienne on all fours on the soccer field having contractions right out in the daylight like this is a normal thing to do.  We stop every 30 or so paces for Adrienne to have a contraction usually with her hanging on one of our shoulders or a tree if one is close by with a limb low enough to grab.  An uninformed observer would have just figured that we were trying to get our drunk friend home!

After a lap around the field, I had to pee so we headed for home. I asked Melissa when she thought the baby would come, and she told me she was pretty sure we'd have a May baby. I did a little math and realized it was May 30th and there are 31 days in May. Wait a minute! I was NOT signing up for another endless night of labor in the blackness. This baby was coming by midnight, doggone it! In retrospect, it probably wasn't coincidence that after so massive an attitude shift, on my very next contraction, I first felt the urge to push.

Once back in the house, I wanted to rest a bit, but the contractions were coming fast enough that it wasn't worth laying down on the bed between them, so I just stayed on all fours. Melissa suggested we check my cervix again, saying that we might get great news or we might not be so happy with the news. I wanted to know how things were coming (I was ready to run a marathon at that point if it would get my baby out) so we checked. She asked me to let her feel my cervix while I had a contraction, which I was only able to do for a short while before asking her to stop. She said the good news was I was 9cm dilated. As that sunk in, I cried and hugged Melissa. I was going to have a baby after all!

Within moments of saying I needed to pee, I had a contraction and spilled a great deal of fluid on the bed, whether broken water or urine I don't know. Shortly after, I was feeling the urge to push mildly on each contraction and I asked if I could get in the birth tub. I was surprised and glad to hear a yes!

Robert and Noah worked hard to fill the tub. When the water heater ran out of hot water, the tub was about a third full, but Melissa said I could get in while more water was heated on the stove. It felt great to be in the tub free to move as I wished. I asked for the music I had selected, and asked Noah to come upstairs to put it on. I warned him that I was naked that I wasn't worried about it. He said he wasn't either and got the tunes going. It made me happy to hear Melissa singing along with the Indigo Girls. When Noah came back in the kitchen he looked down at me and asked, “you have a tattoo on your breast?” I guess that was the end of secrets!

I began pushing without too much conviction, but quickly got rolling. I found a rhythm of three to four pushes with each contraction. Meanwhile, Melissa called Steph and Melanya to come to our birthday party. The warm water kept coming, I kept drinking Recharge (which was staying down!) and Steph helped me wipe my face and neck with a cool cloth.

When Robert and I had talked about the birth, we had envisioned being very connected and touchy. In the event, I didn't want a great deal of touching, and didn't want ANY touching once I was in the birth tub. I needed to feel unrestrained. I began to fear pushing because it felt like my guts were being pushed out instead of a baby. Melissa kept assuring me that things were fine and telling me to listen to my body and find my power. I did find my power and I pushed hard. After each contraction, I felt baby's head and would show how far it still had to go by putting my thumb the appropriate distance from the tip of my middle finger. Steph and Melanya knew what I was doing, but Robert and Melissa did not. Once, after Robert had cracked a joke, he thought I was flipping him off and Melissa said, “you go, girl!” I found out about the confusion later.

I found it helpful between contractions to lean forward on the edge of the tub and hold someone's hand, preferably Robert's. Though I didn't want to be connected during the contractions, human touch kept me anchored when not pushing. I began to feel like I was tearing as baby came closer to crowning. Melissa assured me that things were OK and that I could apply gentle counter pressure at the source of the pain. Steph then told me to listen carefully because she would help me slow down when baby crowned so I wouldn't tear. I asked what was going to happen (control freak that I am) and Steph said baby would crown and it would be uncomfortable, then on the next contraction we would get the whole head, then the rest of baby. So much for good intentions- instead of crowning and waiting, baby came flying out like a little torpedo. I remember apologizing as baby was placed on my chest. I held the little grey form on my chest and he looked at me very clearly before starting to cry. I knew he was a boy before we had visual confirmation. I said, “Hi Axel,” while looking at Robert.

I held little Axel while Melissa helped me pass my placenta. I had expected everything to stop hurting when the baby was born, but I found I needed one hand to hold myself off the bottom of the tub. Axel tried to nurse while I pushed out the placenta. When the placenta came out, so did a “Jaws” quantity of blood. I asked if everything was OK and was told yes- that a membrane tore and it wasn't a big deal.

Axel was getting cold, so he went onto his papa's chest wrapped in a towel while Steph and Melissa helped me out of the tub. I was vaguely concerned with the amount of blood dripping into the absorbent pad I was wrapped in but nobody else seemed concerned. By the time we got back to the futon in the living room, Axel was nice and pink and I got him back. Steph and Melissa worked on the source of my bleeding. They gave me a shot of pitosin and another of methergine to help my uterus contract and stop the bleeding. The bleeding didn't stop and I asked if I should eat some of my placenta. I got a surprised look and then a yes. I expected to have to will myself to eat it, but it didn't taste like much of anything. Axel was trying to nurse, and did, but it was very hard trying to help him eat and have my vagina examined (I later learned that Melissa classified my bleeding as minor hemorrhage, but you'd never know it from how calm the midwives were. They never gave me cause to worry). I asked Noah to take of his shirt and have some skin time with his brother. He was happy to, and the brothers were fun to watch having skin time together. 

Actually the best pictures of Axel early on were of him on Noah's chest.  Noah looked very rested and coifed- kind of GQ like. I joked that he was the stand in father as I looked like a tired bag of crap after the long night and stress of the birth event.  Even though I was quite happy and content after baby and momma were OK, there was no hiding my haggard appearance.
Steph and I went to the bedroom to get me comfortable while Axel had his newborn exam. I could hear what was going on and knew Axel was less than ten feet ways, but I wanted my baby and was amazed by that strong mother urge. Eventually, the activity died down. The midwives went home and left our new family to get reacquainted in the outside world. Robert and I couldn't go to sleep. We just lay in bed with the light dimmed and looked at our little miracle. Axel was so perfect sleeping soundly between us. The only thing to grab our attention finally was hunger.  Robert heated up leftover Thai food that we scarfed in bed at 1AM. We somehow managed not to spill any on Axel.

The beauty of having a home birth is that the walk to the bedroom when it is time to turn in is familiar and close at hand. I was quite grateful that the evening was quieting down and we might actually take our beautiful new person to bed and while we mostly just stared at him and marveled. Eventually, there was some rest to be had; however, his every sound or silence had us turning on a light to make sure all was well.  This little periodic breathing thing that newborns do is a bit disconcerting, so it took a bit of time for us to settle down and get used to his 4-8 seconds pauses.

What I learned from labor mirrors what I've learned from life. Attitude is everything. When I embraced labor, it became fun. It didn't hurt less, but the pain became productive and energy giving instead of something to fight against. I think that every parent dreams that maybe their angel will make a difference. The reality is that if you never stop believing this, then it really does happen on some level whether subtle or large! 

Every time I look at Axel, I'm amazed by him. I wonder what he's come to teach us, and how the world will change with him in it. I'm grateful that I get to be mother to so miraculous a boy and that Axel has so wonderful a papa and big brother.

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